a friend once told me, "it's easier said than done." TRUE! i've been stuck in a ditch with this guy, i've been walkin' around in circles for almost 5 months now... i did every single thing i can think of just to avoid him and to move on... but HELL was is it hard?! and the worst part is, it HURTS some more every time i find myself going back again and again... every single U-turn is just darn painful... and i hated it already, coz' I'm tired of getting all miserable just because he doesn't like me back. I'm just tired of thinking of all the whys and what ifs... i'm such a thinker (which i know is bad) but i'm trying here not to think anymore! but the moment i get in that stage wherein i'm OK, that's when he starts to come in and ruin everything!?! he shatters that momentum na OKEY NA AKO! and i'll go back to that ditch once again...
but i guess the worst part is, he doesn't know IM STRUGGLING because he's trying to reach out and be a friend...
i don't want to tell him to go away and stop, cause it's immature. (or maybe because knowing that he's trying to reach out gives me that spark of hope again, that somehow, he might realize that he likes me as well) :( ugh?!
i feel frustrated because of how i get sooo miserable and immature when it comes to this kind of love issues... specially towards this guy, it's as if I'm such an amateur! Stupidity lang ba talaga ito? or whut? do i have confidence issues that i can't seem to get away from the ditch na ako lang naman ata ang maykasalanan kung bakit ako nastuck?...
i had my fair share of wallowing, and i guess that's enough for me to re asses my feelings and just decide to let go...
but this Relapse thing got me so hooked on him again... and "this is bad..." i tell you it is...
ugh?! i need a shot please! thanks!
DREU
searcher-seeker
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