Monday, October 18, 2010

the CHOICE.



HAPPINESS is not -just- an option... its a "Choice". It should be chosen whole heartedly, and should not be forced upon... Wallow if you must, breakdown if you need... and when you realize that all is enough, that's the time you move and take a step forward without turning back...


DREU
searcher-seeker

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Gloomy Monday morning.

WHY!?

 why are you online! you can't be! i don't want to see you online! your making it sooo hard for me to move on... damn! ugh?!

(at nang nakisabay ang weather sa feelings ko, or it's the other way around... i hate gloomy days... :(  )

a THOUGHT to ponder upon

I "may" fall....not in love but out of love... again....
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Paano ko pipigilan ang bawat tibok ng pusong matagal nang natutong magdusa...
isang paraan lang ba ang maaring magawa?
ito'y hayaan lamang at sundin ang sinasabi?
o sundin ang utak na nagtulak sayong mging matatag sa bawat pagkadapa...



DREU
searcher-seeker

note #2: It will always be "just" ME....

you're HAPPY now? i preasume, and you're okey...
be productive and creative as long as ur life permits you...
take one step at a time and things will surely fall into its proper place...

FEEL and Let him FEEL
Love and Let him Love
Free yourself and set him free..... coz at the end of the day...

it will always be "just" YOU

backed up by ME....


DREU
seacher-seeker

the Uncontrolable

have you ever felt something that you know for yourself is uncontrolable...
what if you hate to hate, but u hate to love either... will it make you crazy? does it help forcing yourself not to feel the feeling that would hurt you... what if im just trying to step back and not to do the same mistakes again, like taking risk or risking love?... but what is life without risk? right?

yeah m happy,
m happy indeed...
im back to my highest high
iv moved on from my lowest low
i stand once again.....

BUT...


things does get complicated, overtime.

it keeps me breathing whenever I feel the rush of pain deep into my soul
subconciuosly I feel my heart burning in painful desire
it is then that I realize , it is too late...
it's too damn late to reciprocate a thing..
to turn back the time wishing that it never happned at all...


DREU
seacher-seeker

Finding that perfect fit.



Remembered that day, when all things seemed to fall into the right place at the right time?… that was the first time i wore my black boat shoes. It was brand new, clean and sturdy, i can definitely feel it’s comfort, and It made me happy indeed. I then continue to wear it and I’ve learned to love it more and more.

As time passes by, using it made me realize that what if this particular pair of shoes gave up on me all of a sudden, leaving me with a wounded sole, will i continue to walk and look for another pair along the way? or will i start to look for one now? while the current one’s still intact and wearable…

i got attached with this particular pair of boat shoes… and i guess, it was too much, I found myself over using it… after using it a few more times, it felt different, it’s as if it was telling me to stop walking, it doesn’t feel the same! being the stubborn me, i continued. I got bruised…

I was wrong, i knew this would happen but still, i continued walking along the streets with this dearly loved pair… little do i know that my lovely black boat shoes that once was clean and new, now turned into a dirty and deteriorated one. -and so i felt the pain…-

…i fell. i wallowed. i drowned.

but see, my feet are made for walking… so walk on my dear feet, even if without any shoes to fill. the important thing is even if you crack and get bruised… you’ll not lose hope in searching for that perfect fit just like the one you thought would turn out to be the perfect one.

lesson learned: Never to settle for what’s there, coz in the contrary, there are a lot more better and newer boat shoes that could fit you PERFECTLY.

DREU
searcher-seeker

note #1: Say NO to Relapse!

relapse (etymologically, "who falls again") occurs when a person is affected again by a condition that affected them in the past.






a friend once told me, "it's easier said than done." TRUE! i've been stuck in a ditch with this guy, i've been walkin' around in circles for almost 5 months now... i did every single thing i can think of just to avoid him and to move on... but HELL was is it hard?! and the worst part is, it HURTS some more every time i find myself going back again and again... every single U-turn is just darn painful... and i hated it already, coz' I'm tired of getting all miserable just because he doesn't like me back. I'm just tired of thinking of all the whys and what ifs... i'm such a thinker (which i know is bad) but i'm trying here not to think anymore! but the moment i get in that stage wherein i'm OK, that's when he starts to come in and ruin everything!?! he shatters that momentum na OKEY NA AKO! and i'll go back to that ditch once again...


but i guess the worst part is, he doesn't know IM STRUGGLING because he's trying to reach out and be a friend...
i don't want to tell him to go away and stop, cause it's immature. (or maybe because knowing that he's trying to reach out gives me that spark of hope again, that somehow, he might realize that he likes me as well) :( ugh?!


i feel frustrated because of how i get sooo miserable and immature when it comes to this kind of love issues... specially towards this guy, it's as if I'm such an amateur! Stupidity lang ba talaga ito? or whut? do i have confidence issues that i can't seem to get away from the ditch na ako lang naman ata ang maykasalanan kung bakit ako nastuck?...


i had my fair share of wallowing, and i guess that's enough for me to re asses my feelings and just decide to let go...


but this Relapse thing got me so hooked on him again... and "this is bad..." i tell you it is...


ugh?! i need a shot please! thanks!


DREU
searcher-seeker